A great many slogans

I have a modest trade in custom buttons and calligraphy. In the course of this trade I have collected numerous slogans for use on buttons and to make the world a more amusing place.

Once upon a time there was a spiffy interactive form here, where you the visitor to the Laboratory could post your slogan ideas.

Alas, one fine day there were fourteen thousand nasty messages to clean up, and so the form was removed pending further work.

In the meantime, enjoy these slogans and feel free to drop me a line with others.

No slogan - Blank
bang logo (!)
Abandon hope all ye who "press enter" here
Academically Insane - Just Do It
All computers wait at the same speed
ALWAYS GIVE 100% AT WORK: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday
Always there are two. A master and an apprentice. So when the apprentice dies, then what???
Am I getting smart with you? ..... How would you know?
Amateur Paranoid
Amazingly Life-like
Anally Challenged
Anarchy Reigns! (Look around you)
Anne Murray Started Punk
The answer is no, blue, and Thursday.
Are you a programmer, or did you just get dressed in the dark?
Are you dead or am I awake?
Aren't you glad you have access to my dementia?
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
As you probe, so shall you weep
Ask me how I survived the plutonium mines
Awww! I -never- get to be the designated adult!
Bad Wolf
A balanced diet means a cookie in each hand.
Ban the Bra
Be nice, or I'll immortalize you
Because I'm the mommy, that's why!
Been there. Did it. Dumped him.
Beware a GM with low blood sugar!
big damn hero
The brain you have reached has been disconnected.
Bring the US back into the First World. Free elections in 2004!
...but he's DEAD, Jim...
But I rolled a 30!
but it IS rocket science!
C.Code C.Code.Run Run.Code.Run
Calculus: the agony and dx/dt
can you hear it?... shhhh, listen... the silence it's there... hiding... always always behind every word you say, every noise you hear, you can't escape it.....
Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
Careful, or you'll end up in my novel
Carefully disguised as a responsible adult
A cat and a book...life is good
Cat: (n) A small furry mammal with a tropism for the 'delete' key.
Cats aren't clean, they're covered with cat spit!
Cats got the pot roast? Call Bella Chow Pizza - Berkeley's finest since 1987
CAUTION Low Flying Puns
CD-ROM intellect in a 640K world
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Chaotic Chaotic
Chocolate = Love
Coffee, chocolate, men...Some things in life are just better rich.
COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert cup and press any key.
Cogito Cogitatum, ergo cogito ...cogitata
Cogito Sum, Ergo Sum... Cogito
Coito Ergo Sum
Computer: A device designed to speed and automate errors
Computers are the tools of the devil. It is as simple as that.
A computer's attention span is only as long as its power cord.
Computers. Why did it have to be computers?
CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington, D.C? (Y/n)
Conservation of Energy - it's not just a good idea. It's the law.
cookie cutter
Correcting an error is the most error-prone activity in programming. Never do it!
Crossbows don't kill people. Quarrels kill people.
Cute? I don't do cute.
Cute puppies grow into dogs... then they die
Cylon Sleeper
Da mihi sis hamam pulli tosti. (I'll have a bucket of fried chicken.)
DANCE like nobody is watching
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
Dead Beat
Death before dishonor. Nothing before coffee.
Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down
Department of Redundancy Department
Designated Adult
Do Fish Get Thirsty?
Do not meddle in the affairs of __________, for you are crunchy and taste good ___________
Do not meddle in the affairs of Vorlons, for you are crunchy and taste good with Spoo
Does fuzzy logic create lint?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Don't assume I'm human
Dont bite off more than you can chew!
Don't bother me - I'm playing with my writer's blocks
Don't look at me like yo mama don't feed you!
Don't meddle with dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
Don't Panic
Don't panic. It's only ones and zeros.
Don't play stupid. I'm better at it!
Don't put all your ranking officers in one shuttlecraft
Don't Start!
Don't try this at home - I'm a semi-trained semi-professional
Dragon HOARD! I thought you said dragon horde!!!!
Drink your beer - there are sober people in China.
Duct tape is like the Force - it has a light side and a dark side and binds the Galaxy together
Dyslexic sells soul to Santa.
Dyslexics of the World Untie
Eagles soar, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
Elvis has left the planet.
Eucharist = Mary Christ squared?
Even in our own world, sometimes we are the aliens
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Every planet has a North
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo - Eddie Jeff Cahill
Everyone is entitled to be stupid - I just abuse the privilege
Everyone is out to get me just because I'm paranoid
Everyone knows the only way to kill a vindaloo is with a cold lager.
Everything is Relative - Einstein Everything is Uncertain - Heisenberg Therefore: Everything is Relatively Uncertain.
Fabulous Prize
FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! It comes bundled with the software.
fantasy is its own reality
Fate leads those who will - the rest get dragged
Fiction makes the improbable possible. Science fiction makes the impossible improbable.
Field promotions for everybody!
Filking: the peculiar practice of singing folk songs on science-fiction themes.
Fill me with your black naughty coffee
First draw the curve, then plot the data.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries
A fool and his money can throw one heck of a party
Fortune favors the fortunate
40 below keeps the riff-raff out
FREE MARS! Jupiter half price
Free the bound periodicals!
Frivolous Excess
The future is coming. Don't worry; there's medication for it.
The future turns the improbable into possible. Science fiction makes the impossible improbable.
Gamer Widow
The gazebo eats you
(Generic Button) BUTTON This button is suitable for expressing various opinions. Color and style may vary.
Give me back my God damned coffee!!!
Glomp me
Go not to the Vorlons for counsel, for they will say both maybe and maybe
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh
God Protect Me from your Followers
Gorram it all to frakking heck!
got filk?
got insanity ?
Gravity still works
Great Tactician - Terrible Dice Roller!
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
Happy as can be, under the circumstances
happy motoring
Harmony Slut - Anywhere, Anytime, with Anyone, for Free!
Having Fun
Heisenberg may have slept here.
Hell: Next 6 exits
Hello. My name is G'Kar. You destroyed my homeworld. Prepare to die.
Help! Help! I'm bein' repressed!
Help Me!
Hey! Who told YOU how the world works?
Hi there! What convention is this?
hits the spot
Hostes aliengeni me abduxerant. Qui annus est? - I was abducted by aliens. What year is it?
How long does it take to respond to an alien invasion? About ten megatons.
Humble yourself: root has entered the room.
Hume teaches us that no matter how many times we drop a stone, it will fall to the ground. When we drop it, it might fall to the ground, but yet again, it could float to the sky. Past experience can never tell the future.
Hypocrisy is the vaseline of social intercourse
I AM a rocket scientist!
I AM a rocket scientist!
I am Homer of Borg. I am here to assim ...ooh! Donuts!
I am my cat's monkey servant
I am not as think as you stupid I am.
I am not 50... I'm 49.95!
I am Pentium of Borg. Arithmetic is irrelevant. Prepare to be approximated.
I am the product of the application of non-linear equations in the manipulation of human genetics
I can kill you with my brain.
I can't deal with normalcy
I can't deal with weirdness
I can't listen to politicians any more. I get a seizure.
I considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
I do not look for trouble but trouble finds me.
I do not yield to temptation I come to a full and complete stop so I can enjoy it better!
I don't go to movies with big explosions for the plot.
I don't have a solution, but I admire the problem.
I don't know what it is about traditions, but we humans certainly do better with them than without.
I don't need a crisis right now - I already have one
I don't ooze as well as I used to
I don't pun - I coalesce the vapors of the universe
I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every moment of it.
I drive too fast to worry about cholesterol
I find that if you change the rules so the cats can do anything, it makes for a much happier household.
I gave up Catholicism for Lent
I get it now! I must be the witty sidekick and not the mad genius!
I got into computers for the blinking lights
I have a cunning plan
I have a punning clan
I have been doing so much with so little for so long that I can do anything with nothing in no time at all
I have been programmed for multiple techniques: C, Fortran, Unix, assembler...
I have more hit points than you can possibly imagine
I have nothing coherent to say about lasers.
I have one nerve left and you're getting on it!!
I haven't read Nietzche, but I've seen Conan
I know I'm going to Hell, but it won't be for this
I like my Fish Kippled
I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. -- Rebecca West, 1913
I need a man with an off switch.
I only dress like this to annoy you
I play dice with MY universe
I plead temporary insanity
I see myself as a nitpicker on the level of civilizations.
I Stnad Corrected
I think I think, therefore I think ...I think.
I used to be schizophrenic, but I'm fine now. Really we are.
I want the biggest sport-utility you have. With machine guns.
I Would Kill For A Nobel Peace Prize.
I'd give up chocolate, but I'm no quitter!!!
If a computer crashes in the forest... oh never mind
If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed... ...oh wait: he does.
If God had meant us to vote, he'd have given us better candidates
If idiots could fly, this place would be an airport
If it ain't broke, fix it till it is
If it can't be fixed, just ask Scotty
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of Congress?
If we can put a man on the moon, why can't we put them all there?
If wizards have crystal balls; does that mean they click when they walk?
If you are what you eat, I'm easy, fast and cheap.
If you can see me, you've had far too much to drink.
If you choke a Smurf, what color will it turn?
If you prick an alien, does it not say "Ow! Ow! Ow!"?
If you shoot a mime, do you need a silencer?
Ignore that man behind the curtains!
Ignore this
I'll be in my bunk.
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
I'm a day person -now-. I blame society.
I'm Bi with a little help from my friends.
I'm easy. I'm cheap. I'm here.
I'm looking for a piece of the One True Chocolate
I'm not as dumb as you look!
I'm not 50! I'm 49.95!
I'm not sure I'm ready for reality
I'm out of estrogen-And I have a gun!
I'm really easy to get along with once you learn to worship me
I'm tired of being the designated adult!
The impossible just hasn't been tried yet.
In another life I was a platypus
In God we trust, all others pay cash
In one era and out the other
Incognito, ergo sum: I dress up, therefore I'm somebody else
Inert State University
Inert State University Center for Media Research Field Researcher
Insanity is where you finally realise your parents were right
Insufficient Data does not compute
Interesting thing, the War Against Drugs. The drugs seem to have won.
Is it over yet?
It is better to be obscene than not seen at all
It is by caffine alone, that I set my mind in motion
It must be Art. I can't think of anything else it could be.
It's a great country: you can say whatever you like so long as it's strictly true - nobody will ever take you seriously
It's all fun and games until someone gets cursed
It's not a rocket. It's an unusual aircraft.
It's not rocket science. It's high finance.
It's not rocket science. It's politics.
It's 1999. Shouldn't Martin Landau be on the moon by now? - Bill Amend, "Fox Trot"
It's the story, stupid!
I've killed a lot of users in my time, and I'm not above doing it again!
Jesus loves you - everybody else thinks you're an asshole
Jesus saves, Allah protects, Cthulhu thinks you'd make a nice sandwich
Jesus Saves! (By shopping wisely and using double coupons!)
Jokers are people too!
Just another damn day in paradise
Just hand over the chocolate, and no one gets hurt.
Keeper of the Secret Words
Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.
Legitimately Odd
Let's be bad guys
Let's beam Mr. Spock into a WALL
Life, don't talk to me about life
A life form is a virus' way of making another virus.
Life is a maze in which we travel free and unhampered, checked in, once and again, a blind alley. but if we have faith a door will open, not one which we would have thought of. but one which will ultimately prove good to us.
Life is short. Play hard.
Life is what happens when you've made other plans. Plan accordingly
Life's too short to sleep alone.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of the oncoming train.
Living Hysteria
Living is the only thing worth dying for
Living on a Forged Reality Check
The logical result of having 4-wheel drive is to get stuck in deeper snow.
The longer I work in critical care, the more I'm convinced there is a God.
The longer I work in critical care, the more I'm convinced there isn't a God.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
make it fast
Make the scary Republicans go away!
The man behind the curtains.
May have been on the losing side. Still not convinced it's the wrong one.
May I remind you of the "No Mind Reading" clause in my contract?
Mea Culpa; My fault
A million sperm, and you were the quickest?
Minister of Unread Documentation
Mobile Non-Smoking Area
Mobile Smoking Area
Moderation is for monks
Murphy's Lawyer
My inner child is Stewart
My inner children are Beavis and Butt-Head
My lucky number is imaginary
My needs are simple. Expensive, but simple.
My neurons ache
My pun is mightier than your sword
My pun is mightier than your sword
My reality check bounced.
My train of thought has derailed
Neutered Vampire (who cheats at kitten poker!)
Neutral Greedy
Never look too deeply into the mind of a lawyer.
Never take no for an answer. Don't take yes either.
No boom today. Boom tomorrow. Always a boom tomorrow.
No environment, no impact
No, Jean-Luc - I am your father
No morals, no remorse
No thanks, I already have a penguin!!!
Nobody expects the Psi Corps Inquisition! Among our weapons are fear, surprise, fanatical devotion to the Corps ...and nice black uniforms.
Nullus Metus (No Fear)
Ociffer, I swear to drunk I'm not god!
Of all the soles in all the universe, his were the most....scuff resistant!
Of all the things I've ever lost, I miss my mind the most
Of course I look less busy than the men. I did it right the first time.
Oh my God! -This- is reality!
On a clear disk, you can seek forever
On Marriage buy a good strong bed and good strong shoes .... if you're not in one, you'll be in the other!
Once we get the bugs ironed out, we'll be running on flat bugs.
One by one, the penguins steal my sanity.
186000 miles per second - it's not the law, just a good challenge.
One million sperm, and you were the quickest?
Only those who are capable of silliness can be truly intelligent -Sylvia Plath
Ontogeny Recapitulates Phylogeny
O'Toole's corollary - Murphy was an optimist
Oxymoron: Microsoft Works
Paradigm: Shift Happens
Paranoia is just heightened awareness.
Philosopher Without Portfolio
Physics: Real science for logical people
Pick something fun to do, and make sure it shows the inner "you"
Plan B is now in effect
Plan 9 is now in effect.
Please state that in the form of a button.
+4 Button of DM subdual
Politically Incorrect - and loving it!
Potion of DM Influence == Bottle of Famout Grouse Whiskey (or other appropriate spirit)
Power corrupts, but absolute power is really cool.
Practice Random Acts of Intelligence and Senseless Acts of Self-Control
Press here * for change of reality
PRESS TO TEST Release to detonate
The Proctologist Called: he found your head
Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
Prove to me that you're not a Cylon
Psi Corps: Controlling the Galaxy One Mind at a Time
quando omni flunkus moritati (when all else fails play dead)
Re-Elect Gore In 2004!
Real Goths sack Rome
REALITY BITES, and I have the teeth marks to prove it!!!!!!!!
Reality Check? What kind of dice do I roll?
Reality is a crutch for those who can't handle science fiction.
REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe?
Rehab is for quitters!
Remain Calm
Remember when sex was safe and motor racing was dangerous?
Remember: "Work" is a four letter word
Remove Before Use
Robot Wars: Borg vs. Cylons
Romulan cloaking button
Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.
Sapere aude (Dare to know)
Save the Earth! It's the only planet with chocolate!
Save the Rain Forest - Save Chocolate!
Scotty, save my ass!
scrambled brains for breakfast!
Semper ubi sub ubi (always wear underwear)
Senatus Populus Que Romanus
Si Hoc Legere Scis Nimium Eruditionis Habes
Snow is for visiting
Some of my best rationalizations were born out of insanity.
Some people are like trivia, interesting to know but of little importance
Sometimes trouble's where you ought to be.
Sorry! Not my problem!
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
STOP ME before I volunteer again
Stop the world, I want to get off.
Subduction Leads To Orogeny
Support your local vampire DONATE BLOOD
Teamwork: You check for traps. I'll find the exit.
Technical Support Cheerfully Provided (picture of large hammer)
Tempus Fidget
That was Zen and this is Tao
That's not much of a disguise
That's PerVECT to you
Therapy is expensive. Bubble wrap is cheap. You decide!
There are no stupid questions, only condescending answers
There are three degrees of being weird. They are: (1) Salvageably weird. (2) Weird. (3) Irrevocably weird. - Carrie Fisher
There is no saving throw vs. the plot device
There was - and I emphasize "was" - a time I did this for fun
There's always room for Odo.
There's always something to get over.
There's nothing wrong with me - so there must be something wrong with the Universe
These are the days we will laugh about later
This button intentionally left blank
This button is suitable for expressing various opinions. Color and style may vary.
This is a designer original - the designer has the original
This is the only job I could find that uses Star Trek reruns as a tax write-off
This is your brain. This is your brain on drums. Any questions?
This isn't fun. I've had fun before and this isn't it.
Three sigmas west of strange
30 below for a week straight? So What?
Through all my ups and downs, my charm is my strangeness
Time for some thrilling heroics
Time travel is easy - it's forward and reverse that cause the problems
Time Travelling is hazardous to your health
To err is human. To really screw up requires a computer.
To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question........or is it?
Toaster Lover
today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday
Tomorrow never dies
Too pretty to die
Twinkle, damn it!
A twisted mind is a terrible tesseract to follow.
24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
Uff Da
Unite & Join together to help & assist to stamp out & abolish redundancy & repetition Forever & Always
Unix IS user-friendly - it's just picky about its friends
Unrevealed Cylon model
Unsafe at any deed
The US Constitution has its flaws, but it's a damn sight better than what we have now.
User Friendly
USER is a four-letter word
Veni, Vedi, Visa (I came, I saw, I shopped)
Veni Vidi Napi: I came, I saw, I napped.
Veni, Vidi, Volo in domum redire
VI VI VI The Editor of the Beast.
The wages of sin are a damn sight higher than the wages of virtue.
WANTED Dead or Alive: Schrodinger's Cat
We Don't Grow Up We Grow Older
We don't kill germs,we eat 'em alive.
we know drama
We live in a world of give and take. Not many are willing to give what it takes...
We've got enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?
We've upped our standards; now up yours.
What a hoot!
What do you want?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What if I'm a figment of my OWN imagination?
What if they gave an orgy and nobody came?
what is, is being and what is being is being in being
What's wrong now?
when the going gets tough the weird turn pro. -hunter s. thomson-
When you've made it to 50 without growing up, you don't have to, ever. So, THERE!!!
Where you @?
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
Who am I? Why am I here? Where is the chocolate?
Who are you and why are you bothering me?
Who are you, what have you done with my friend, and can we keep you?
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
Who is Simon and Why is he In Charge?
Who needs football when there are shield-walls left in the world?
Who says men and women are equal? Women are superior.
Why does god need a starship? Or five million dollars?
Why? -Socrates Because. -Aristotle
Why wait for the last minute when the last ten seconds will do?
Will discuss Martian tectonics for food
Will fly for food
Will fly starships for food
Without even knowing I was looking, I have found a woman I love. A woman more fascinating than all my travels through time and space. A girl more exciting than an escape up a ventilation shaft. A lover more thrilling than an army of cybernetic slugs.
Women who seek equality with men have no ambition.
Working daily to make your brain obsolete
WWJD - for a Klondike Bar?
WWYD: (What Would Yoda Do?)
X marks your spot
Xeno be damned - sooner or later you gotta get laid
yah sure you betcha
Yes, I -am- in charge
You attend the meeting. I'll take a nap.
You get 15 years for murder - for marriage you get life.
You give me Twinkies-I give you peace!
You have been warned!
You need to be Federally Regulated.
You think you know, but you have no idea
You will make a new friend today if you can find the right parts.
You will meet a tall, dark stranger than yourself
Young Klingons in Love - the Duras Sisters
Your reasoning is silly, illogical, irrational and beginning to make sense
Your village called ---They want their idiot back!
You're a very funny person - DON'T PUSH IT
You're strange. I like that in a friend.
You've given your life to Jesus. I've rented mine to Cthulhu.
Yumpin yiminy!
Zathras can never have nice things.
Zen Druidism: Official State Religion of Kansas
Zen is not what you think!
0 to bitch in .04 seconds
Z'Ha'Dum in 2258 - We Know What You Want